'Shake it off' or 'This is fucking awful'

Today I was rudely reminded that I'm not everyone's cup of tea (physically, mostly, but also my current situation - mid-divorce and unemployed).

What I'm trying to cling to in all of this is all the positive from the last few months. The looks of appreciation I elicited, the words of praise, the moans of pleasure, the attention and interest.

But it's hard. The Kid struck me right in the gut. I'm already sensitive about being jobless and always insecure about my looks (though, I put up a great front in that regard).

He said I misrepresented myself and that my pics were "3 years old." Not even remotely true on either count, but it raises the question nonetheless. Am I putting up false advertising??

By sharing only the most flattering of pictures of myself, am I setting men up to feel let down when they meet the flesh and blood me??

But that doesn't really jive, either.

The Kid saw dozens of pics of me in various lighting and states of dress. He also unraveled all the details of my life and yet he still wanted to meet me last night. Why upon laying eyes on me I was suddenly sub par baffles me.

And it fucking hurts.

It's my worst nightmare come to life: I don't measure up. I'm not enough.

Like I said before, I'm going to try to remain focused on all the good; forget about Dockworker, and others who have knocked me in the gut like this, and move on.

It's hard to shake, though. I won't lie. Now I'm literally terrified to meet someone new...